Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
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