sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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