So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
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