Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
