If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Randomize
