i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Randomize
