Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize