i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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