btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
