Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
