I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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