i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
