I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
