The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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