so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
