I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
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