I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
