She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
