so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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