I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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