I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
not ubering you a puppy
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
