Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize