Don't make out with my wife yet
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
All the doctor said was why
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
