What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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