I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
