Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
