one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Randomize
