just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
So I just went to clothing optional bar
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
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