Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
