weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
