My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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