You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
