he told me I talked like a deaf person
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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