Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Randomize
