Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
