It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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