the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
