I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Randomize
