margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
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