Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Farmville is her only friend.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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