i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
