You can't special order awesome
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Randomize
