Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
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