Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
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