I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
