i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
