You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
In America we eat man semen.
He passed out mid-signature
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Randomize
