In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
