Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
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