That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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