he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Randomize
