We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
