Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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