I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
