I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Randomize
