My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
