I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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