my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Randomize
