I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
