Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
