normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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