Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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