I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
a search helicopter?!
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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