I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
