My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Randomize
