the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
