Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
