they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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