I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
